RANDOM

Hi guys,right now the champions league final is on,i sat and watched the first half and i must give myself an award for that,not that i don’t like football but the tension that comes with it i just cannot bear,so i prefer doing something else and just run in to jubilate when a goal is scored.

I have learnt a lot of things about myself this past few weeks,and i believe this is a process for me to discover myself,i thought before coming to Milan that i could say boldly that this is me,but each day i keep seeing a new side,attitudes i need to drop,pick-up or strengthen.

Had bible study on Thursday and the discussion was on faith,God really did open my eyes to a lot of things,i pray for the strength to trust Him and believe what He says.

I decided staying alone in my room was so not good for me so i went to stay with friends at the AFRICAN EMBASSY- yes we have an embassy here in Milan,will write a post on the them later on.

Hillsong London came to Milan last Friday,it was an enjoyable time in God’s presence with praise and worship,i never knew i could jump like that,really enjoyed myself.

I am learning to ride a bike,it was nice the first day,my instructor actually told me i was doing good.Now don’t laugh at me,no time is too late to start and i guess i was afraid of falling that was why i never learnt.Learning how to play the guitar is my next on my list.

Overall,in every situation i have found myself,i am learning to come out of it a better person.

Can still hear the screaming from those watching the football match,the second half is about to end,it was 1-1 at the end of the first half.don’t know which side has won or if it will go into penalty (that is exactly why i cannot stand the game).Well i will have to wait for someone to come tell me,everyone moved to a neighbour's flat to watch.

See you later

CIAO

YES!!!    Someone just walked in and said Barcelona won three goals to one,I am so happy,i am not a fan of Man U nor of Barcelona but i follow Thierry Henry where ever he goes,not that i know where he is now,but you get my drift right.

JUST THINKING

I think i have shed every tear that can come out of my eyes,the next thing is to wait and see what God has in store for me,because right now i do not seriously have any understanding of the direction in which my life is taking.

I have spoken and thought positively as i can but things just seem to be spiralling downward and at a very fast rate.I can’t for the life of me understand why i have to go through this. At this point in my life i am not even thinking or aspiring to be great,just to get by is what i want now.A friend says that things are always the toughest just before dawn,well i don’t know if i believe that any more.

Going for bible study tonight and we are actually going to discuss about faith.I have told myself i will not contribute today,just sit down and listen cause seriously I don’t even know if i can say anything with certainty.

Yeah,I know you might say here she comes again with her pity party,but the truth is i really needed to let out what i have been feeling for the past few days and my blog was just the best way for me to do it.As i am writing now ,i think of it as my journal and that no one is reading this post,because seriously i have to release this pent up emotion somewhere.

You might say prayer,but right now i can’t even bring myself to do that,every atom of strength and faith i seem to have lost,maybe bible study will help today.

Why do i have to be in this situation,seriously why?

WOMEN’S RETREAT

Hi there,just got back from the Milan Area Women’s Retreat,it is a retreat organized by the International Church of Milan once every year.The theme of this years retreat was ‘LORD,TEACH US TO PRAY’.
We had been told to save the date of the retreat as far back as December last year,so we had a lot of time to get prepared for it,even at that time i was not sure if i would be able to make it for the retreat but God was working and i was there.

HELLO EVERYONE

Hi everyone,its been a long time i know,sorry about that.Life is a road, you can never tell what lies ahead,a curve,a T-junction,a roundabout ,an animal running into the street,you are not even sure of  fellow road users etc,the only thing you pray for, is that when you get to such moments,that you make the right decision and you are ready for it.Been feeling low for a while and just really could not bring myself to blog,i had a lot of questions on my mind,things i believed in i started to doubt,it just seemed like i was losing my mind,its kind of hard cause you put up a front before family and friends yet you are dying silently,i now begin to understand what goes on in the mind of people who have committed suicide.

I was going through some of the blogs i visit and i saw something funny,Neefemi of Diary of an Unpaid Intern had a post titled’ TELL GOD’ and the very first lines of the post were ‘Someone needs to tell God –I AM NOT JOB'.I found it funny but at the same time totally understood where she was coming from,i have come to those areas in my life road that i mentioned above and i will just say it is the grace of God that is holding me up.

For most of the bible study and Sunday sermons i have discussed and heard from my pastor here in Milan,there is one verse that keeps reoccurring and that is Rom 8: 28 ‘ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,to those who are the called according to His purpose’.It may be tough right now,the future does not seem clear,everything is not going according to plan but i know this one thing ‘the steps of the righteous are ordered by God'.In all this i have learnt to be fully dependent on God, and He has not disappointed me,just when you think ,this is the end He steps in right on time.I know this is a learning phase for me and i want to come out as gold,truth be told i asked for this,but like they say be careful what you ask for.

Last two Sundays my pastor while preaching said for us to take this three phrases with us this year as it pertains our relationship with God and what he can do in our lives.

• Is anything too hard for God ?
• Is God’s power limited?
• All things are possible with God .

He was preaching about Gideon and how God lead him to victory against the Midianites,one thing struck me during the message ,when God shows up in your situation you will have no doubt that it is Him and not your own strength also that impossible situations are God’s specialty.

I live each day with the knowledge that God is on my side.

This is not the post i initially  set out to write ,i just said to myself that i would say a few word about why i have been MIA,but this is what came out,i actually had something that i was angry about to write on,but i think you need to voice out issues in order to clear them from your system.While i had been quiet on my blog,i had often wondered what event would make me blog again,that i will write about in my next post.

Thanks to all who encouraged me by leaving  comments on my blog.When i started this blog i never intended to have people read it talk more of having followers but you all have been wonderful.Thank you.

CIAO

,

NOW

I am hanging on by a thread,my footing is so unsure.

BUON NATALE

Hi everyone Merry Christmas or as the Italians say BUON NATALE.

As we celebrate the birth of Christ may His love pervade our hearts that we see the true meaning of why he came today .

Love you all.

CIAO.

THANKFUL

 

Hi there, its a new month tomorrow and the last month of the year.Thank God for bringing us thus far and i must say we have a lot of things to be grateful for,i read a quote on someone's blog today and it got me thinking.

• Be grateful for what you have now…What you have now, some people are earnestly praying for…be grateful for it…Rather than focus on or whine about what you don’t have, thank God in advance for things to come, and see what He would do….

This led me to think of all the thing which the Lord has done for me this year,from the miraculous way in which i obtained my visa,to my having a new addition to my family(I have a nephew,cute little boy) and of course the mum(my sister’s) safe delivery,my brother bagging awards in his university,the health and well being of my entire family,down to the so little things as God answering some very funny and frivolous prayers i ask Him.

I might not have all i want,but He is all i need,and so just after reading that i did exactly what it said.

Sunday was Thanksgiving in my church here in Milan,was very awesome.

Earlier that morning i had received a call from Nigeria about the death of a friend and the leader of my departmental group in church,i was shocked cause she had  called me when i was in the hospital and i had just sent a message to her inbox on Facebook the night before,it felt like a joke,i kept telling myself she would see the message and reply.She was buried today.

The Bible says ‘In all things give thanks’.That's what i did.

Decided to lift my gloom,so browsed the web for jokes and funny pictures,hope they are to your liking.

And this is my favourite

Have blessed month

CIAO

IT IS WELL

19th November

It’s the day of the surgery,the night before,a male nurse had come in to take my vitals,he knew i was slated for surgery the following day and had asked if i was afraid,to which i answered no,he seemed kind of taken aback,i think he did not believe me,but the truth of the matter was that truly i was not scared.The surgeon had told me the surgery was for 12 noon and that it would be a 45 minute surgery.

9.50am

A surgical assistant enters into my room with a gurney and a green surgical gown(i can’t remember what its called again) and tells me get changed and that i was going in for the surgery,l was wheeled to the surgical unit and had to be prepped before being taken into the operating room,all this while someone would come and ask how i was and when i said fine,the next question would be are you scared to which i would say no.Counted seven medical personnel in the operating room  including the surgeon and anaesthesiologist.I had made up my mind that i would know the exact time i went under and i think i was lucky cause i was facing a clock,i went under at 10.15 am.

11.35am

Coming out of a very deep slumber,looked at the clock,was no longer in the operating room,thank God i made it.Wheeled back to my room and then tried to rest.My roommate, a very old Italian lady  was happy to have me back.She does not speak a word of English and though her children have told her repeatedly that i don't understand Italian,she always has something to say to me,and i try to decipher what it is she is trying to say.

Being sick and far from home is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone,i am normally a mummy’s pet,but this time i had to be strong on my own.I have only been in Italy for 5 months and the little friends i had made were very supportive,from the people who live in my building to my course mates and most especially my church members everyone was so supportive.

As i go home to await the result of the surgery,i lean on God’s hand,as i said before ,i had been in the medical profession before leaving Nigeria and i have a clear understanding of what it is my doctors are looking for,but i will not let that faze me cause i know whom i have believed in.God is my healer.

CIAO  

P.S.-One of the things i enjoyed about my stay in the hospital was the lovely view from my room window,took the the pictures with my phone,at night it is so beautiful,wonder why i don’t have pictures.

  

 

PEACE

18th of November

Still at the hospital,it’s 10.50am,the doctors just left after making their rounds,i  am scheduled for a minor surgery tomorrow to take out a lymph node to analyse.That will be the second time i am going under,i have never been admitted into a hospital all my life and this one time i have ,it seems the hospital wants to take all it can from me,well i won’t complain as long as i get better.

My day is usually boring,mostly lying down and reading a novel,i ran out novels to read until i got my laptop yesterday,now i have a good companion.

Being sick is not nice, but being sick in a foreign language is worse,notice i did not say in a foreign land,right from the point at which the ambulance came to pick me i had to have an interpreter,when i got to the hospital they had to look for doctors who speak English for me,i have like about five doctors on my case but i can tell you with all certainty that only two speak English fluently,meaning that they speak so well that they also know the medical terms in English.

I move around the ward sometimes and try to get a look at other patients,some are strong enough to move around like me,some are permanently confined to their hospital bed,one in particular  is always crying and wailing i think from pain,i remember talking with a friend when i was back home in Nigeria and he had jokingly said that he prays to just be sick for a day or two so he could call in sick at work and then i had told him then that being healthy is a blessing,we should never take our good health for granted.

I am in the Unit of Medicine in the hospital and with all the test i have been through and yet no definitive diagnosis,i can’t help feeling that i am in a scene from HOUSE,but i think my friends who have visited would prefer a scene from ER or GREY’S ANATOMY cause all my female friends are always asking if there are any hot and sexy male doctors,as if i would notice,i just want to get well and get out.

I hope it happens soon.

Time 15.54

The surgeon and the anaesthesiologist just left,came to assess me for the surgery tomorrow,its funny you know,i just have peace,through out all the test and exams including this proposed surgery, i have not worried or imagined the worst which is quite unlike me,my sense of imagination can travel places,you need to be inside my mind to see where it goes at times.I just have this sense of peace,i don’t know what the future holds but i know my life is in His hands and all things are working together for my good.

FINALLY MY LAPTOP

Wednesday 17th November.

It’s been 11days and i am finally getting my hands on my laptop.I was rushed to the hospital in the early hours of Sunday morning 7th November with acute chest pain and shortness of breath.I had not been feeling well for sometime and i put it down to my not being used to the cold weather,had not been able to sleep most nights because of the pain.I had told my roommate the day before that she would have to take me to the hospital the following day,which she agreed to,she had then gone out and returned sometime around twelve midnight only to meet me wide awake and in pain,there was no other option than to call for the ambulance that night.

I have been at the hospital for 11 days,been through three roommates and the doctors still don’t know what is wrong with me,i have done all types of tests and its not particularly easy for someone like me who was in the medical profession before coming here to have a knowledge of the said test and the expected diagnosis.I have cried times without number,trying to understand why this should be happening to me.My colleagues are busy studying and i am stuck here in the hospital until they can figure out what is wrong with me.I had been advised to ask that i leave while they await some test result,but i say that i would rather spend time here no matter how boring than go home and have the pain return,which has actually happened here in the hospital.The pain had actually ceased for about four days only for it to return,i am basically living on analgesics here.

I thought there would be Wi-fi here at the hospital since its actually a teaching hospital and a university campus,but it seems not to be the case,however i will try to chronicle my stay here till i leave.God  willing i believe i will come out of this better.

CIAO

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?

Hi everyone,its been long since i last blogged,just got back from a two week stay at the hospital,was rushed to the hospital in the early hours of Sunday 7th November with acute chest pain and difficulty breathing.First time being admitted in one,been healthy all my life except for the occasional malaria.
I went through a series of test and exams,had a surgery and still the doctors are yet to diagnose my problem,i am home now awaiting the result of the surgery.
Got a hold of my laptop the last three days of my stay in the hospital,so was just able to write a bit.Will post my writing later.Its just so good to be back.
CIAO